Catching Flies with Vinegar

Long time no see. I haven’t written since around Easter time. And in my defense, I am leaving it to the Lord to send me inspiration. So don’t blame me, blame Him. Ha, just kidding don’t blame God. Anyway, I finally was hit with a message to write.  I was doing a lot of reading on vacation this past July.  Vacation is a great for thinking. My parents gave me some time off of being a full time mommy and I had plenty of time to just sit with God and pray/think.  I have truly been hit over the head by God this week and I want to tell you ALL about it.

Coffee at Upper Silver Lake

Let’s Talk Transparency

This post is all about transparency.  So in the spirit of being transparent, here is a summary of me; good, bad, weak, strong, and filled to my ears with coffee.

I am constantly battling with insecurities about my body, skills, and relationships while at the same time feeling extremely guilty about feeling insecure because I should know I am “enough” in Christ. I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite when I compare myself to other moms (when I know I posted a blog about not comparing yourself). I am insecure about my excess pregnancy skin and I feel like I do not measure up to those confident mommies who are “proud of their stripes” and “this body shows I am a ‘real’ woman.”  Then there are times when I am self-secure in my appearance and use it to make myself feel good. I bleach my hair and always wear makeup. I battled with depression from middle school through my junior year of college and I was scared out of my mind I would have postpartum depression (and still get nervous it could happen). As much as I strive for a perfect marriage, I stumble and disrespect my husband. But at the same time, I am blessed by God to have the skill to feel confident cooking, cleaning, and parenting my baby (and four-legged children).  Only through God have I been able to be a Biblical wife to my man. I want to be validated by my husband and put too many expectations on him. I struggled with trying to be that stereotypical good girl to the point where I broke and did the opposite of everything I was taught to do in church. I pray when I remember. I worry about everything. I don’t cook every night and I only buy organic from time to time. I do not know how to bake or sew and I am totally okay with that fact. DIY projects scare me. I don’t like getting dirty. I drink too much coffee and sometimes load up the sugar. I eat junk food so that I am not judged for being “too” healthy.  And sometimes I eat pizza and ice cream just because I want to – I’m not perfect. 

And now I feel as naked and vulnerable as my 7 month daughter as she gets changed after a huge blow out…

Now why the heck did I just do that?

There is probably a whole lot more I could post about myself but those are just a few things I wanted to share. Now, why? Some of you may be thinking, she didn’t really need to put herself down like that, but in all honesty, the prior paragraph doesn’t seem degrading to me.  In fact, I think it makes me… me.  God made me with many flaws and weaknesses. And I am THANKFUL FOR MY WEAKNESSES.

In previous posts I talked about attempting to stop your mind from comparing yourself to other people’s lives (especially through social media).  I want to continue from that and build on it.  I see too often on Facebook and Instagram people posting the prettiest prepared food and “morning” bodies.  Not too many people post the most awkward selfie or an epic Pinterest fail.  People (and myself) tend to boast or want to at the least look like they are doing “okay”.  I know that I have fed into this process and I am not proud of it.  I try and fail every day.  I think it is about time to be real.  I think it is okay to post things that are authentic and not posed. 

Now it isn’t always social media. I just tend to draw there because I and some of my close friends struggle with that area.  Maybe it is your family, your friends, your “in-your-face” in-law that seems to want you to perfectly fit in their family mold, or possibly your church.  No matter where it is in your life that makes you feel an unwavering need to look “perfect”, I am telling you there is only one person to strive to be like, and that’s Jesus! And Jesus knows what’s really going on, you are not fooling Him. His opinion of you is the only one that matters.

“Growing up in a Christian culture, I received a lot of messages that God wants nothing more from us than to be ‘good’. We’re to be models of perfection, hid our flaws, and work really hard to earn the love of the people around us and God. What I am learning now, however, is that the message of Jesus in the Gospels isn’t so much about washing your hands before you eat or making things look good by following external rules. It’s more about doing right to be more like Him and to live in close alignment with Him. Recently, I’ve started to feel the desire to submit to Jesus and not be so consumed with what other people think of me.” – One Woman’s Story from “Good New for Weary Women” by Elyse Fitzpatrick

I, too, grew up feeling like I had to be a cookie cutter version of what my parents wanted me to be like in school and church. I also know others who feel they need to pretend everything in their life is good around their traditional family or congregation.  When in reality, I think those two areas are the places we should be able to be raw and vulnerable about our problems.  This fact makes me sad for those who feel trapped in those situations.  In a few paragraphs, I will tell just exactly how we can free ourselves from this vicious perfectionism trap.

Chapter 2 in Galatians is a great place to start and look for verse to comfort us when we feel like we need to be “perfect” in order to please man and God.  The Galatians fell victim to this lie.  In verse 16 its says,

Know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified. - Galatians 2:16 New International Version (NIV)

So let’s be done with attempting to be perfect in everyone’s or our own eyes. It’s tiring. Aren’t you tired of trying so hard?  Because I am.

I dare you to…

Would you find it easier to relate to the person who looks like Ms. Perfect Social Media or with someone who admits to some failures alongside their successes? I would say the latter. I would appreciate the mom who confesses she doesn’t have it all together or the single woman who divulges that she doesn’t know where her life is currently headed.  I want to know that other people are weak and completely relying on their Lord and Savior alone.  “In Christ alone our hope is found.”  … In Christ alone I find time to clean my house like twice a week; in Christ alone I get my laundry done (sometimes), in Christ alone I have the strength to apologize to my significant other when I know I am wrong, and IN CHRIST ALONE I will limit myself to one cup of coffee and one glass of wine every once in a while (just kidding again, maybe… you’ll never know). In Christ alone, life is good!

So I want to pose a dare… I dare you to be real, transparent, and authentic.  Take off that perfect selfie mask and share the truth of your life.  Even though this isn’t the meaning of the phrase I want to make it my own, ever hear “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”  The phrase is talking about kindness, but here in this post I want to change it up. What if honey was our strengths and vinegar was our weaknesses.  What if we put out our honey and vinegar? I think we’d actually catch more flies (or friends) with both.  People want to connect with someone who is like them.  Someone who is perfect is intimidating and immeasurable. If we can all be honest, we all know that person (and I feel like I have actually been the problem once or twice or more).  So in this new meaning of the phrase, we should try to catch flies with vinegar and grow together to find that honey a.k.a. strength through God (I am so pushing this phrase too far). Only through God can we find that pure organic deliciously sweet honey that you can only buy at Wholefoods for like a bazillion dollars for a 6 oz jar, but in all reality it’s free (okay, now I’m done).

I want to encourage you to be transparent to other women around you.  I personally am setting a goal to be open about my weaknesses and sins in an effort to glorify God.  If I fail, I can brag about how BIG of a Savior my God is; and if I succeed, that I can brag about how magnificent my God is to bless my life.

Why are we so scared of having our weaknesses exposed? 

We are still worrying about what others think of us.  Yes, we are and it is going to be hard to stop worrying about what others think.  We fear men (or maybe more so women).  In Proverbs 29:25, it says to us, “Fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”  Hear that… safe.  We are safe.  We don’t need to be scared.  And if I can be honest, writing and venting this all out to you is scary but the more it comes out on paper (or keyboard) the better I feel.  It is so relieving not caring about what others think or at least knowing people are not seeing the outside of me (but all of me – now let them think what they want).  It is freeing not to worry.  It is freeing to know that God loves me regardless of all the primer confessions I’ve declared above.  You can feel that relief too.  Give it all to God and know everything else doesn’t matter.  You are not defined by your skills, successes, weaknesses, or mistakes. 

Psalm 119: 36-37 says to us, “Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.  Turn my eyes from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.”    When we define ourselves by those earthly gifts, then we get scared of not measuring up.  But we shouldn’t worry about those definitions, because we are defined by our Father in Heaven.

I can be confident in saying that I failed many times because I know that I am not defined by my failures. I am defined by my Savior who has already paid the price of all my failures. So instead of worrying if that friend or stranger is going to judge you for your sin, use that weakness to help them, too, become real.  Use your weakness to praise God in front of others.  Believe it or not, God can use your sin to perfectly accent His power, His forgiveness, His love to everyone around you.

And as a side note, as we attempt to not define ourselves by our strengths and weaknesses, let’s also attempt not to judge others by their obvious strengths and weaknesses (it goes both ways).

I went through many periods of depression in my life and here today I live depression free. I was on anti-depressants and now I am not. Did I do that? Nope.  Did that medicine all of a sudden cure me? Maybe. However, I believe it’s all God (and even if the medicine helped, God created the mind of the person who discovered that pill).  The reason I specifically write this is to bring up another point I want to discuss is a sense of anger you could feel towards God for giving you specific weaknesses.  As I was working through my depression, I had a moment of resentment at God.  I would ask, “Why did God make me like this?  Or even state, “How dare He!”  I think this can be a normal feeling (not saying that it is okay).  I hated that I could feel sad randomly over nothing even when my life was going smoothly or that I couldn’t let go of negativity when I was surrounded by it.  I blamed God for my actions and thoughts.

 God may have created me with depression as a weakness but it is my choice to determine how to handle that weakness.  Certainly, I could choose to give into temptation and allow Satan the victory.  I could chose to complain and hate on what my God as created (which is insulting to God and I don’t think we should insult the big man upstairs).  However, even when I’m faced with daily temptations and struggles the truth is that I choose to sin.  For instance, if I am angry about something I need to stop and think about what I am going to do in that situation.  Satan cannot make me choose to sin, it is a choice I make and can become a greater struggle when dealing with my weakness.  See James 1:14-15;

“But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

Everyone’s weaknesses are different; even if we have similar weaknesses, they are still unique to us.  Like my depression, God helped me heal from that anger.  God also equips me in every situation so that I don’t have to sin against Him 1 Corinthians 10:13:

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

Today, I am a lot more of a joyful person who finds peace in God. Sometimes I get anxious and sad, but God has held my heart and kept me safe from falling back into depression.  I am so thankful at times for going through that because there have been multiple people that were able to tell me, “I am dealing with depression, too, and I don’t think I would have admitted it first.”

Consider all of the examples God gives us in the Bible of failure and weakness.  It is FILLED with sinful people that God used for His greater purpose.  Men/women who murdered, lied, were abused, and were deep in adultery, but God looked at them with love and said, “I want to use you. I love you. You are worth being put in the Bible.”  Isn’t it great to see the Scripture filled with men/women of God who failed?  It’s encouraging to know that God uses our weaknesses and failures for redemptive purpose!  Be brave and admit your sin; jealousy, fear, impurity, lust, dishonesty, gluttony, or any of the 7 deadly sins.  You’d be surprised who may open up to you solely because you disclosed your flaw first.  And that moment has now become a perfect time to witness. Glory be to God for our weaknesses!

Consider some other verses in Galatians Chapter 2:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!” – Galatians 2:20-21

 Our sin reminds us how much we need to be saved and that because of our Savior we are free from the guilt and shame we feel after we sin. We know that we can live for Christ even though we fail.

So who’s with me? Who is ready to be transparent? Who is ready to put out some vinegar? Who is going to post the bad with the good? Who is going to give God the glory? Who is ready to see our sin and be thankful? I hope I have some other women out there with me. Let’s be brave and go where we aren’t comfortable.  Let us use the #nofilter more often in our lives.

If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me at hnorr2911@gmail.com or connect with me through any of my social media sites.  I would love to talk to you and pray with you.  I believe God has big plans for you even if you or they seem small right now.  

Sincerely,

xo

PS: I've just recently be picked to rep jewelry and accessories for a wonderful woman whose Etsy Shop is called Lively Happenings! This month she is featuring her earrings; to check them out, click here!

This girl is getting BIG! Also, earrings by Lively Happenings on etsy!