God Doesn't Compare You

Hello lovelies! I want to remind you here and now that you are so preciously created and have beautiful hearts.  

I’m sorry I missed a post last week.  I had many things keeping me from writing, but there was one very important factor in that business.  I didn’t have God at the tips of my fingers.  I was intending on writing a post all about taking care of your body and loving your body the way God wants you to, but I just couldn’t finish.  I wrote about half, had partial notes, and just sat there staring at the screen.  I tried.  I really did.  I had my editor look at what I had done so far and she even liked where I was going but I had writers block and a loss of motivation.  I couldn’t figure out why.  Then it hit me – this wasn’t what God wanted me to write.  I’m not saying God whispers in my ear exactly what to do each time I open up my laptop, but I know He has His ways of showing you the right path.  I decided to stop what I was trying to write and wait for the sign of what God wanted me to write.

The other night I was sitting down with a good friend of mine.  We were having intense girl time.  During a long time of venting, we discussed the issues we felt we were experiencing in our lives.  One of the many commonalities were the struggle with… comparing ourselves to others.  Like my previous post, it is an easy habit to form the comparison game in your mind.  Specifically, we discussed comparing our faith in Christ and abilities to other people.  Whether your faith is new or old, it can also be a source of insecurity for some men and women (even children).  I’ve been there before in many different points in my life.

I want to bring up TWO points in my post today.  When we compare our abilities and relationship with God it can have one of two different outcomes: it can tempt us to beat each other out with who is the "better Christian"; and/or make us feel inadequate in the eyes of others, ourselves, and God.

I want to analyze why we would want our abilities to be put to use.  If we are comparing ourselves and are wishing we could be more like/do more like someone else, than there is a motivation behind that desire.  So why do we want this?  Do we want other people to think we are better Christians (or specifically a spouse or family member)?  Are we questioning ourselves and our relationships with God?  Why do we compare?  What is the root of our comparison?

What's our True Motives?

Let’s be honest.  Raise your hand if you’ve done something to look good.  Anybody out there actually raise their hand alone on their couch?  Let’s be honest… we didn’t, but I’m sure most of us can say we’ve done something to look good or feel good.  We’ve been motivated by selfish desires.  I definitely have.  I know (from personal experience and from witnessing) children even do things just to say they did something nice (in hopes of getting a prize or sticker).  We are almost programmed that way at times.  If you have grown up in a church, you may have had to memorize Bible verses.  Did you get prizes or compliments if you practiced and were able to perform them to your Sunday school teacher? Yeah, me too.  And I also remember that horrible feeling if I didn’t remember to memorize them and all my friends did.  Even though the memorization of scripture is critical, the motives behind doing it were flawed.  If you didn’t grow up in a church, did you still have times where you did something good just so that you’d feel good about yourself?  The world is always going to tempt you with comparison.  The devil is going to make you want to look better than someone else.  At times we even feel that we may be entitled to be praised for our good deeds or good feelings.  If we are doing it to “look” better to others than we are being selfish with our abilities and gifts from God and that’s a sin. 

Galatians 1:10 says:

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or, am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man I would not be a servant of Christ.”

When we are trying to be the better out of the two people getting compared, the result is consistent.  We become self-focused and self-serving.  If our outward Christianity is only motivated by selfish desires, than it isn’t strengthening our relationship with God, but rather pulling you away from Him.  We may fool our pastor, the congregation, our family, and our friends, but we are NOT fooling God.  He knows our hearts and He sees our motives and intentions.  The path of out-doing others will lead us to a sad world of discontentment.

So, instead of worrying about what our relationship with God in the eyes of others or our status in the church, we should be working towards building our relationship with God and glorifying him with our abilities.

I want to give a very literal example.  Think of someone important to you that you have a relationship with right now; husband, boyfriend, best friend, or sibling.  How would you feel if they only treated you kindly in public but in private they ignored you?  Or what if they made you someone else’s favorite dinner just because that person’s significant other made it for them? Would you feel special?  Probably not.  The relationship might seem all fine and dandy on Facebook, but behind closed laptops it’s cold and unloving.  God feels the same way.  He wants to be with you in public and private.  He doesn’t want you to outdo someone else’s “Christian” actions.  Just because so-and-so is volunteering a group at a soup kitchen, that doesn’t mean you have to do the same thing to glorify God.  Our outward acts of service do not satisfy God.  Others may see our “good works” but God does not. 

Your abilities and your relationship with God are unique to you and are special gifts from God for only you.  They all come from God and belong to Him (not you).

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – Peter 4:10

Serving God is a privilege of knowing God and caring for people.  We love God and people because God loved us first and gave us a love for others.  Remember, that Christ sacrificed for you and that you really don’t need to sacrifice for Him (John 3:16).  Any ministry that Christ allows us by His grace is for the body (Romans 12:3-8) not for selfish gain.

There is no Comparison

Speaking of this “body”, that I just mentioned… when’s the last time you really looked at your own body?  God created that wonderful body of yours.  It works together to keep you alive and well as best it can.  Your body is made up of diverse parts.  Think about how different every part is (unless it has multiples, like your finger nails).  Your ear is nothing like your thumb and both of them are more alike than they are to your liver.  Like your body parts, God created the church of many parts.  I can’t even take credit for this example because God uses this allegory in the Bible.  I want to use those verse to discourage the second point of my blog post – “comparison can leave you feeling discouraged”. 

The Body of Christ

God made each of us unique with our own strengths and weaknesses.  He considers each of His creations (us) very special to Him (so I’m sure He is fond of when we do not like what He created).  Also, when we start comparing our faith or our abilities, it leads us to sin.  We may wish we were more than we were created to be, hold contempt against others who are “better” than our visions, or show pride over others we feel we have outdone with our abilities.  As I’ve stated before in a previous post, we deserve nothing.  I came across this verse:

"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ ... Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many." - 1 Corinthians 12:12,14

This verse really speaks to us about what God expects from our lives.  Just as the body has many parts, the church also has many different roles that play within it.  Think about it… a church has the pastor, associate pastors, elders, singers, teachers, ushers, janitors, lawn care volunteers, and more.  There are even jobs that may do completely unnoticed.  Someone makes those bulletins, updates the website, and replenishes classrooms of tissue boxes, and people who wash the windows.  Each person is doing a job that is working towards a purpose for God. 

One woman shared her personal experience with feeling inadequate in her church:

 “During church services that showed the congregation a mission trip summary, a guest missionary speaker talked about the trials and joys of their work in Dakar.  As I was sitting there listening, I immediately felt insecure in my Christianity.  A good Christian was a missionary.  I didn’t do anything even close to those missionaries.  I only worked in the nursery occasionally and sometimes I complained about it.  Those missionaries were put up against near death experiences and all I’m dealing with were fussy toddlers.  I wished I could a better Christian like them.” – Anonymous

I have felt the exact same feelings as the above quote.  There were times as I was rebuilding my relationship with God that I thought I’d never be as dedicated as some people.  I had friends that had been on multiple mission trips in their lives and I’ve yet to go on one.  Many times I felt like I wasn’t really doing my part for God’s work. The woman in the story above really related with me because I too frequently worked in a nursery, yet I didn’t feel like I was “fulfilling my faith.”

I just recently read an amazing book by Elyse Fitzpatrick called Good News for Weary Women and she discusses in her book how a lot of women tend to feel that they can never be the woman they are “expected” to be in the church.  One woman tells her story in her book:

“I’ve gotten so many messages over the years about what God expects of me as the “perfect ministry wife.”  This doesn’t come naturally for me, because I feel socially awkward, I’m not able to speak perfect wisdom to ladies, and I’m not necessarily part of the “in-crowd.”  I’m also expected to open up my home to any woman who wants to come over, at any time, and be available to give whatever someone is asking from me.  If someone is nitpicking me or criticizing me, I’m supposed to make myself vulnerable to that, as its God’s way of sanctifying me.  It’s seen as a sign of a lack of humility or an unrepentant heart to pull away from such relationships.  It’s easy for me to lose sight of the truth:  that only Jesus is perfect and the only way for me to be perfect is to embrace His perfection.”  Good News for Weary Women, Elyse Fitzpatrick

Can any of you relate to either of the two women who shared their stories?

Whether you want to serve and have other obligations, fears, or possibly someone else is already serving in an area that you think your abilities would best be served, we need to remember that God has a role for us.  God does not compare you to other women in your church.  He does not compare His relationships and He does not compare your works in or out of the church.  God says in Luke 16:10:

“Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, and whoever is unrighteous in very little is also unrighteous in much.”

If you are still struggling with this area, my aunt (Noelle Richter) suggested a small prayer you can say to yourself, “Lord, please help me to be faithful where ever you have me right now, any way you want to use me.”  Prayer is mighty.  Do not underestimate a small prayer.  The chapter in 1 Corinthians continues to elaborate why we need to be content in the roles we are given by God:

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. - 1 Corinthians 12:15-26

So like I said before with the ear, thumb, and liver… they are all so different but so useful.  We take for granted different areas of our bodies, but we don’t notice when they are not functioning properly.  Our lives would be a lot more difficult without our thumbs.  I like food.  I like the fact that I can reach up and grab those crackers, cut that soft Havarti cheese, and make a snack at my thumbs’ leisure.  Do you have pets?  They don’t have thumbs.  They can’t just have a snack at will.  Okay, okay… I’m ranting about thumbs.  If all of God’s people are working collaboratively to simply glorify God, then contentment with your abilities and your faith will set in.  When you realize that your role (no matter big or small in your eyes or the eyes of others) is important that you see how God is using you for His purpose.

“Don’t expect God to make you a lighthouse somewhere else, if you can’t be a candle where you are.” (Unknown author)

God's Will Be Done

Everyone in the body has an important part.  Perhaps you have amazing abilities (possibly better than someone else’s) but God may not choose to use those abilities the way you want them to be used.  Christ didn’t come to exert His own will, but rather came to do the will of the one who sent Him (John 6:38).  This is the attitude we should exhibit when we’re not serving in an area we think we’re best suited for.  The heart cry should be, “Father, not my will, but yours be done!”  Total surrender and obedience is necessary, even if it’s difficult.  Christ KNOWS His church and exactly where each member should serve for the edification of it. 

“Who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” – Philippians 2:6-8

Where do you need to surrender?  Is an attitude of humility at the heart of your service for Christ?  Are you willing to obey Christ for His glory and your good, no matter the cost?

God Loves and Values Us

So back to the top questions... why do we compare?  What is the root to comparing our abilities and our relationship with God?  Low self esteem is foundation of comparison.  And low self esteem derives from our view of ourselves in Christ.  If we feel loved and valued, we are more confident and feel secure.  God doesn't want us to feel like we need to compete for His affection.  He wants us to know we are going to be loved no matter what we do or what we are capable.  He doesn't care if we are a face in the congregation or the pastor of a church.  He doesn't care if we volunteer at our church every week or if we are scrambling to find time to do one devotional a week.  God loves us!  GOD LOVES YOU!  While you may feel insecure because God made you a toe instead of a vital organ, God feels like He specifically thought of you and knew how perfect you would be as a toe (ok, that was the last body part reference).  But think about it... at the beginning of time God thought about how you would best fit in this world.  I don't know about you, but that definitely makes me feel loved and valued.  God knew how He wanted to create me and what my purpose was in this world.  You are loved.  You are valued.  So please... stop comparing yourself.  You don't need to compare your role in this world or in the church, because God loves the role you play.

Glorifying God

I really hope this blog post can be a source of light or reassurance to someone.  I know some of the prier thoughts are trials that I personally have battled with since I was young, so I pray that my experiences can be used to be encourage others.  Even as a blogger, I need to make sure I am writing for God and not for the public praise of writing for God.  If anyone in my life sees me turning to the dark side, I hope they’d give me this same talk.  These words can be brutal and shocking, but sometimes that is what someone needs who is heading down the wrong path.  I can only pray my blog will continue to ONLY glorify God and not myself.  I would also appreciate your prayers as well!

I’ve talked a lot of this whole glorifying God business.  What does this even mean?  I know I never really used the phrase “glorifying God” until the last year or so.  It is truly a life changing phrase.  It may seem kind of silly to hear that but it’s true.  When you change to life to only glorify your Savior, your life will change!  I’m not going to promise my “Glorifying God” post will be next, but it is coming! So, please stay tuned for my next post.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us in the coming weeks.  

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16

"God Doesn't Compare Us"

was co-written by Noelle Richter. 

The Comparison Game

 So, before I start going off on newest post, I just want to say, “THANK YOU FOR READING MY BLOG!”  Even though I feel like writing is something God wants me to do, if I’m honest I was scared to start writing again.  There are a great deal of blogs out there and so many people who are writing similar things as me.  I definitely have had to take a dose of my own medicine about value.  Does it matter if my blog is read? Is the goal to have this blog become popular?  No and no.  I need to remember that this blog is to glorify God, not myself and what I can do.  So if only one person reads these posts and they get something out of it, then that could have been the sole purpose of my blog in God’s eyes.  Like I stated in the last post about value, this thought process is an on-going battle.  I haven’t mastered it, and quite frankly I think it is a life long struggle about what the world wants us to believe about ourselves.

Let’s segue into the topic of value through my own personal post.  What does the world say about value?  I think most of us know.  And I hate to bring up the whole social media avenue, but it’s true.  We live in a technological world.  I’m not saying it’s a horrible thing, but it opens up the door for us to look for value in the wrong places. 

The world values status.  Status can be a number of things; professional success, appearance, familial contentment, political correctness, popularity, attention, and the lists go on and on.  We know these statuses because we see them through: movies, television, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and even through daily socialization with other people (who have also been influenced by the primer).  Even though I think some people may strive to be successful and live similar lives to celebrities/public figures, I think we compare our lives to people we see every day; for example, our neighbors, friends, siblings, co-workers, and old high school mates we stalk on Facebook.  Why? Because we are constantly tracking and witnessing the lives of others, we are placing ourselves in a world where we can’t help but think about how we compare to them.

Now what does this have to do with value?  Well, people are constantly updating their profiles and posting statuses about exactly what is valuable to them.  You know what I’m talking about… you have the super moms, the health nuts, the sob stories, the photo lovers, the constant updaters, the travelers, the animal lovers, and the advocates.  Everyone tends to post what is most important to them and that’s natural.  I personally tend to post a lot about my husband, dogs, food, Bible verses or quotes, and fitness check-ins.  Why?  Those are things I hold as a priority in my life.  Am I telling you that it is wrong to post things like this?  No, not at all; but the issue becomes a problem when we start playing the “comparison game.”

A verse to reflect on:

^“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.  Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.” – Galatians 6:3-4

The comparison game is actually quite strategic.  Most of what people present to the public is a life of success.  We want to look good and feel valuable.  Social media is an avenue to find this significance.  As silly as it may seem coming from a written source, some of us feel good when we see one of our pictures or updates gets more “likes” or “comments” than the average post.  We feel like people care and we put our value behind what was posted. 

Now even though those moments may feel great, we then struggle with the days we don’t get that kind of love.  We do not see ourselves as significant or as someone else getting social media attention that day.  Alongside that, we may be going through a difficult time in our lives.  It may even seem that our lives aren’t that exciting.  When other people make posts about getting engaged, going on vacation, receiving flowers from their husband, or get tons of “likes” on the fifth   picture of their cute child in a new outfit.  Automatically, the devil is whispering in your ear,“Your life isn’t as good as theirs,” “Other people don’t think your life is interesting because it’s not,” “Your life has no purpose or value right now,” and “Look, that person is going to the gym; what are you doing?”  In response, you may internalize feelings of inferiority and say to yourself, “I’m all alone eating Jet’s pizza, and just sit here night after night watching Netflix.”

So have you been there?  I have. But regardless, I love social media.  I have all of the above types of social media.  I love how it connects people.  But saying that, I know how it can negatively affect me also.  Like other challenges we, women, face together, this is one that is a constant struggle.  I am tempted to delete social media out of my life at times, but then I remember that it isn’t going to get rid of the devil or the negativity he whispers in my ear.  There was no Facebook or Instagram during the days the Bible was written, yet this verse was placed in God’s Word:

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” - Galatians 1:10 

Whether it is comparing who owns the most camels or who has the newest 2015 model, the devil has been using this game way before social media was even a thought.  So instead of trying to hide from the temptation or devil, embrace you are human and that you need a Savior that is bigger than your Facebook newsfeed!  Use social media as a way to make you stronger.  Social media can be a huge beacon of light to people.  Use social media to connect to others, not disconnect yourself. 

I love the quote I found from Pastor Steven Furtick:

“One reason we struggle with insecurity, we are comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.” 

Comparison will rob us of our happiness and our TRUE value.  We need to remember that our value does not decrease just because other people don’t notice our value (or if someone is actively trying to make you feel cheapened).  There is always someone who sees our value and His name is three letters long. 

As previously stated in my last post, when we feel sad, angry, or insecure, then our value is coming from a source besides our Savior.  Instead of looking to others for our value, we need to come back to God.  Our lives, with the good and bad, belong to God.  There are two examples in the New Testament of the Bible where Jesus attempts to explain to people that finding their worldly value holds no significance to their lives and to God.  Jesus gives his first instance in Mark when he is confronted by a rich man.  Even though there is no problem with wealth, Jesus knew that people who have more worldly things have a more difficult time admitting they have or need nothing. 

Jesus explains in Mark 10:29:

“Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, and land—etc.—because of me will lose out. They’ll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land—but also in troubles. And then the bonus of eternal life! This is once again the turnaround.  Many who are first will end up last, and the last first.”

From this verse, He is trying to tell us that we need to give up everything we have in life.  And if we are honest with ourselves, everything we have in life is not actually ours to give away.  Our lives belong to God.  Knowing that fact, we shouldn’t compare what we have to someone else because none of us actually have anything that is truly ours.  We are all seen equally by God and are expected to use what is given to us for God’s glory.

Jesus gives us another explain in Luke 12 about how little our earthly priorities really matter to Him.  In this parable, Jesus tells a story about a man who spends all his time and energy into storing up his bountiful crop of grain.  The man takes years and years to collect his reward.  At the end of this story, the man is very pleased looking back at his hard work and is ready to sit back and enjoy what he has.  In verses 20-21, Jesus says: 

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’  This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”  

To bring this to the real world, I compare it to an actual job.  It is great to work hard in your career.  Working for that promotion or for the money that you will use to support yourself/family is wonderful, but if your hard work isn’t to glorify God than it is worthless. 

So, instead of worrying about how valuable you are to others, if your life looks successful compared to others, or if you feel accomplished; we need to focus on how we can use our lives for God.  Even though this post could go on and on because this topic can be easily broadened upon, I want to end it here.  In my next post, I really am going to pin point how you can change your thinking to focus on God.  My last two posts were to open your eyes and maybe even shock you, now I am ready for a lighter post that can really encourage you.  So stay tuned soon for a post all about how your life can glorify your Creator.

I leave you with a Bible verse that will transition us into the next post on finding value:

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” – Galatians 2:20

xo

Val·ue /ˈvalyo͞o/

Hello friends & readers! Sorry this post is a day late. Yesterday I was blessed with a great opportunity to fellowship with great friends all day. I missed being around my husband and baby girl, but having a day dedicated to friendship and pampering was thoroughly accepted and appreciated.  Friendship is something special and God given.

Hope you enjoyed your holiday.  The holidays are such a blessing.  They are the perfect time to unwind, focus on family and friends, and regain a sense of self and your goals.  I cannot believe how 2014 had come and gone so quickly.  It is 2015 and I am sitting here taking care of my baby girl.  With the New Year brings on the motivation to start a “new you.”  You may already have started a New Year's resolution or at least have some ideas of ways to bring about this “new you.” Or, some of you may have given something up for Lent; a bad habit perhaps?  This also may be something you chose to better yourself.  My suggestion is simple.  Pray about it!  The “you” that you are looking for is already someone God has wanted you to become from the beginning.  Pray about it and He will open your eyes to who you should be for 2015 and the years to come. 

A verse to reflect on:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” - Ephesians 2:10

The definition of value:

The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. A person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.

My biggest struggle in life from a young child to even now was finding my value in life.  I don’t want to assume, but most people live day to day attempting to find their value.  Value and purpose is a strong motivator for people to work hard, act or look a certain way, and do almost about anything a person chooses to do.  People will set their priorities by what they believe is most valuable to them and what will make them feel most valuable.  I live that way and if you are truly thinking about it, so do you.  

I struggled finding my fit and where I belonged in every setting of life (family, school, friends, church, fill in the blank for your own life), which is very normal for most girls at all ages (even women that are 22+ in age).  It wasn't until my freshman year of college that I became secure in who my friends were but I still battled to figure out who I was (or at least who God wanted me to be).  It took me 22 years to find my worth in God and realize that without Him, your value is nowhere to be found.   

Looking in the Wrong Places…

This huge moment of realization occurred during a service at a local community church when a guest speaker was conducting the service.  His words filled my heart and really hit me hard that any struggle in your life is completely founded on "value."  Let me explain....

First to generalize, which I know is not necessarily the best way to explain anything… however, he explained that any time (and I mean ANY time) you feel sad, frustrated, worried, scared, and/or a combination of negative emotions, you are putting value in something that isn’t God.  God is perfect.  He is our cornerstone.  If we put our value in things other than God, then our foundation is not strong. 

Now, before I continue I want to make a HUGE POINT right now.  Is it alright to grieve? Yes.  Jesus wept for the death of a friend (John 11:35), and the Bible even has examples of times God was angry (yet, we must remember unlike our anger, God’s anger is completely pure and sinless – John 2:13-22).  There are times where it is okay to feel these negative emotions I listed above; some examples, death or separation of a loved one, job or home loss, poverty, natural disaster, short/long-term abuse, illness, and the list I am sure could go on.  God doesn’t expect us to be go through life pretending that these circumstances haven’t happened to us and he wants us to value things in life (just as long as they do not become idols in our lives).  If someone as important to you as a parent, child, or husband died, grieving is natural and healthy.  God wants us to value our relationships because he created us to relate with others.  He wants us to value hard work in a job, our health, and our families. 

However, He doesn’t want us to spiral out of control and turn away from Him because we valued that person or thing more than Him.  That is the difference!  Is it life-changing that someone died or that possibly we were sexually/physically/emotionally abused?  Yes, and God uses those moments in our life for His purpose even if it is unbearably painful for us.  Our relationships belong to Christ.  Our past (whether painful or peaceful) belong to Christ.  When we lose who we are because of awful circumstances that we idolize over God, those circumstances (and the devil) will control our view on our value.  If anyone would like to talk more about this specific paragraph with me, feel free to contact me and I will talk with you and pray for you.  Also, I would highly recommend you talk to a trusted friend, Pastor, or Christian counselor if you want to seek peace and value in your life after a traumatic event like the primer.

Now that I have clarified a bit, I want to go on with some smaller and less painful examples of how we can use this idea day to day.  For easy typing, I am saying “I” but these are not necessarily examples from my life; one trivial, the other a little more serious. 

Example Number 1

I am baking my husband’s favorite cookies – chocolate chip.  I get distracted (which is a totally normal occurrence for me) and the next thing I know, I smell burning chocolate coming from my kitchen.  What do I feel?  First, I am frazzled because well, something may or may not be on fire.  Second, I’m upset!  I burned the cookies.  So let’s get into the nitty-gritty to why I’m upset… I just ruined my husband’s surprise.  I wasted ingredients on those cookies that we can no longer eat.  And I worked hard on making those earlier in my day when I could have done something else productive. 

Looking deeper, I can determine I was not finding my value from God in this moment.  Instead, I was finding my value in being a “stereotypical” homemaker and wife, in money, and in my own abilities.  Are you following so far?  Hope so, but here’s another example. 

Example Number 2

My marriage hasn’t been going well recently.  My husband and I are constantly nagging at each other and fights are breaking out left and right.  I decide that I will try to be the bigger person and do something sweet for my husband any ways.  I make him lunch for work and write him a love letter.  When he gets home, things don’t turn right around like I wanted them too.  I start feeling insecure and then angry at him for not appreciating my effort.  Like usual, the night ends in a huge fight where hurtful words are said and we go to bed angry.  What do I feel? I am all sorts of emotions here and for other women who have been in an ugly fight with a husband, boyfriend, or really anyone; they can agree there are tons of emotions that flare up.  I’m angry because I don’t feel appreciated for what I do.  I’m overly certain that I must deserve better or that I am definitely in the right for how I acted because obviously I’m the only one making an effort here.  I’m insecure because I feel like my husband may not love me anymore, or he may just not really like me (and may also feel insecure because I don’t feel like I am being a good enough wife for him, or possibly any man).  I feel lonely and empty because I am not getting filled with love from my husband.  I feel worried that our marriage is on a road to divorce. And etc.  I think some of what I said above could be related to while others may have a lot less or even more feelings after something serious like an on-going argument.  Like my first example, I can look deeper into this scenario too and know that I am not finding my value from God.  So what was I looking for? 

If we address just some of those feelings, I can easily say that I was valuing myself based on how my husband makes me feel.  If he doesn’t love me, then I’m unlovable.  Not true.  Even though God made us to connect with people and to have relationships, our number one relationship in life is with God.  If we were to be completely unloved by all man, but loved by God, that is actually enough (but yikes would that be hard).  Again, I was looking for my value in my abilities.  If I am a good enough wife or do things for my husband, than I have value in this world.  Or to add on to that, I also felt entitled because I was doing something with my abilities.  I didn’t have to be nice to my husband and go out of my way to do something special for him, when obviously he doesn’t do that for me.  I do so much for him and he does nothing for me.  I’m sure there are men out there that would have loved my letter and would have done something to reciprocate my effort.  I deserve so much better.  This may be very blunt and sting, but I don’t deserve anything.  I should be thankful for what God gives me.  And frankly, if I made a vowed to my husband the day we got married in front of man and God, than I deserve nothing but my husband. 

Also, if you find you are frequently having these thoughts (and/or acting on them), I recommend you pray for God’s forgiveness and support.  It isn’t healthy for you and it is a sin against your husband and you Lord.  If you are a believing wife you should apologize and admit you’re wrong.  Instead of rehearsing your hurts and complaints, we can use these difficult times as opportunities to love God and our husbands.  We spend energy thinking “I NEED that,” when in reality ALL of our expectations have been met through the cross (Psalm 62:5)

Let’s Rethink this Whole Thing

Now easier said than done... I know.  I am not trying to tell you "do this now" or "you should be able to do this."  No way.  I'm just trying to get you to at least start thinking about it.  Some of you may have NEVER heard anything like this before in your lifetime.  I hadn’t heard anything like this either (or possibly we both have but one day it just clicked).  If this is hitting you for the first time then it can be eye opening, overwhelming, and kind of bittersweet.  Both women and men look for value in the wrong areas of life.  From what I’ve seen, heard, and read, I’ve learned men regularly look for value from their abilities while women look for value from their relationships. 

Here are some more examples of how one can try to return your look on circumstances to find value in God.  Everything I have is a blessing not a necessity and I should be thankful for what God allows me to have.  God gave me a set of strengths and weaknesses and I will only be able to be exactly what He has made me to be and in His timing.  God decides how a relationship is supposed to affect my life and He knows the big picture.  My life and everything in my life is God’s, not mine. 

Still, easier said than done. 

But if you can start rethinking in these types of circumstances, than it is a start towards a greater confidence in God. 

You aren’t Alone in this… it can be DONE!

Even though this is a difficult life-long task, from my personal experience and testimonies from other women, I know that this confidence in Christ is obtainable.  A dear friend of mine went through her own realization after going through obstacles in life and came out of it with her true value.  Here is something she has shared with me:

"A challenge I overcame was my identity. I previously had a tendency to put my identity, self-worth, and self-esteem in successes and relationships. My happiness and identity was especially in my previous serious relationship with my ex-boyfriend. When our relationship started crumbling, I was devastated. My self-esteem and joy plummeted. I learned that my fullness is in God. I am a daughter of Christ, I have been adopted by Christ, I have been chosen before the creation of the world, I am redeemed, and I am forgiven and without blemish because Christ lavished grace upon me. I am worthy because of who God is, and what Christ has done for me. I am loved unconditionally by God." – Katie Stoesz

A verse to reflect on: 

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4:16

This is my first post about the topic of value and how we can acquire it the correct way in life.  I didn’t think this was a topic to just throw at any one all at once.  It can be a lot to handle and process.  From personal experience, even though the service made me start rethinking my life, it took me much longer to really introduce the ideals into each area of my life.  Talk to a good friend or family member about this topic and see what they think.  Maybe even bring it up in a Bible study you are in and see if this is an area other women struggle in regularly. 

My Goal of this Post

This first part really focuses on the fact that frequently value is misplaced and/or how idolization can really deter our views on our value.  In upcoming posts on this topic of value, I am going to look further into where people regularly place their value and Biblically where God wants us to place our value.

My goal from these posts on value is to help women find confidence.  If we can find our value, we will find our confidence and strength.  With confidence and strength, we will live out our live with joy, peace, and fulfillment in God.