God Doesn't Compare You

Hello lovelies! I want to remind you here and now that you are so preciously created and have beautiful hearts.  

I’m sorry I missed a post last week.  I had many things keeping me from writing, but there was one very important factor in that business.  I didn’t have God at the tips of my fingers.  I was intending on writing a post all about taking care of your body and loving your body the way God wants you to, but I just couldn’t finish.  I wrote about half, had partial notes, and just sat there staring at the screen.  I tried.  I really did.  I had my editor look at what I had done so far and she even liked where I was going but I had writers block and a loss of motivation.  I couldn’t figure out why.  Then it hit me – this wasn’t what God wanted me to write.  I’m not saying God whispers in my ear exactly what to do each time I open up my laptop, but I know He has His ways of showing you the right path.  I decided to stop what I was trying to write and wait for the sign of what God wanted me to write.

The other night I was sitting down with a good friend of mine.  We were having intense girl time.  During a long time of venting, we discussed the issues we felt we were experiencing in our lives.  One of the many commonalities were the struggle with… comparing ourselves to others.  Like my previous post, it is an easy habit to form the comparison game in your mind.  Specifically, we discussed comparing our faith in Christ and abilities to other people.  Whether your faith is new or old, it can also be a source of insecurity for some men and women (even children).  I’ve been there before in many different points in my life.

I want to bring up TWO points in my post today.  When we compare our abilities and relationship with God it can have one of two different outcomes: it can tempt us to beat each other out with who is the "better Christian"; and/or make us feel inadequate in the eyes of others, ourselves, and God.

I want to analyze why we would want our abilities to be put to use.  If we are comparing ourselves and are wishing we could be more like/do more like someone else, than there is a motivation behind that desire.  So why do we want this?  Do we want other people to think we are better Christians (or specifically a spouse or family member)?  Are we questioning ourselves and our relationships with God?  Why do we compare?  What is the root of our comparison?

What's our True Motives?

Let’s be honest.  Raise your hand if you’ve done something to look good.  Anybody out there actually raise their hand alone on their couch?  Let’s be honest… we didn’t, but I’m sure most of us can say we’ve done something to look good or feel good.  We’ve been motivated by selfish desires.  I definitely have.  I know (from personal experience and from witnessing) children even do things just to say they did something nice (in hopes of getting a prize or sticker).  We are almost programmed that way at times.  If you have grown up in a church, you may have had to memorize Bible verses.  Did you get prizes or compliments if you practiced and were able to perform them to your Sunday school teacher? Yeah, me too.  And I also remember that horrible feeling if I didn’t remember to memorize them and all my friends did.  Even though the memorization of scripture is critical, the motives behind doing it were flawed.  If you didn’t grow up in a church, did you still have times where you did something good just so that you’d feel good about yourself?  The world is always going to tempt you with comparison.  The devil is going to make you want to look better than someone else.  At times we even feel that we may be entitled to be praised for our good deeds or good feelings.  If we are doing it to “look” better to others than we are being selfish with our abilities and gifts from God and that’s a sin. 

Galatians 1:10 says:

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or, am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man I would not be a servant of Christ.”

When we are trying to be the better out of the two people getting compared, the result is consistent.  We become self-focused and self-serving.  If our outward Christianity is only motivated by selfish desires, than it isn’t strengthening our relationship with God, but rather pulling you away from Him.  We may fool our pastor, the congregation, our family, and our friends, but we are NOT fooling God.  He knows our hearts and He sees our motives and intentions.  The path of out-doing others will lead us to a sad world of discontentment.

So, instead of worrying about what our relationship with God in the eyes of others or our status in the church, we should be working towards building our relationship with God and glorifying him with our abilities.

I want to give a very literal example.  Think of someone important to you that you have a relationship with right now; husband, boyfriend, best friend, or sibling.  How would you feel if they only treated you kindly in public but in private they ignored you?  Or what if they made you someone else’s favorite dinner just because that person’s significant other made it for them? Would you feel special?  Probably not.  The relationship might seem all fine and dandy on Facebook, but behind closed laptops it’s cold and unloving.  God feels the same way.  He wants to be with you in public and private.  He doesn’t want you to outdo someone else’s “Christian” actions.  Just because so-and-so is volunteering a group at a soup kitchen, that doesn’t mean you have to do the same thing to glorify God.  Our outward acts of service do not satisfy God.  Others may see our “good works” but God does not. 

Your abilities and your relationship with God are unique to you and are special gifts from God for only you.  They all come from God and belong to Him (not you).

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – Peter 4:10

Serving God is a privilege of knowing God and caring for people.  We love God and people because God loved us first and gave us a love for others.  Remember, that Christ sacrificed for you and that you really don’t need to sacrifice for Him (John 3:16).  Any ministry that Christ allows us by His grace is for the body (Romans 12:3-8) not for selfish gain.

There is no Comparison

Speaking of this “body”, that I just mentioned… when’s the last time you really looked at your own body?  God created that wonderful body of yours.  It works together to keep you alive and well as best it can.  Your body is made up of diverse parts.  Think about how different every part is (unless it has multiples, like your finger nails).  Your ear is nothing like your thumb and both of them are more alike than they are to your liver.  Like your body parts, God created the church of many parts.  I can’t even take credit for this example because God uses this allegory in the Bible.  I want to use those verse to discourage the second point of my blog post – “comparison can leave you feeling discouraged”. 

The Body of Christ

God made each of us unique with our own strengths and weaknesses.  He considers each of His creations (us) very special to Him (so I’m sure He is fond of when we do not like what He created).  Also, when we start comparing our faith or our abilities, it leads us to sin.  We may wish we were more than we were created to be, hold contempt against others who are “better” than our visions, or show pride over others we feel we have outdone with our abilities.  As I’ve stated before in a previous post, we deserve nothing.  I came across this verse:

"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ ... Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many." - 1 Corinthians 12:12,14

This verse really speaks to us about what God expects from our lives.  Just as the body has many parts, the church also has many different roles that play within it.  Think about it… a church has the pastor, associate pastors, elders, singers, teachers, ushers, janitors, lawn care volunteers, and more.  There are even jobs that may do completely unnoticed.  Someone makes those bulletins, updates the website, and replenishes classrooms of tissue boxes, and people who wash the windows.  Each person is doing a job that is working towards a purpose for God. 

One woman shared her personal experience with feeling inadequate in her church:

 “During church services that showed the congregation a mission trip summary, a guest missionary speaker talked about the trials and joys of their work in Dakar.  As I was sitting there listening, I immediately felt insecure in my Christianity.  A good Christian was a missionary.  I didn’t do anything even close to those missionaries.  I only worked in the nursery occasionally and sometimes I complained about it.  Those missionaries were put up against near death experiences and all I’m dealing with were fussy toddlers.  I wished I could a better Christian like them.” – Anonymous

I have felt the exact same feelings as the above quote.  There were times as I was rebuilding my relationship with God that I thought I’d never be as dedicated as some people.  I had friends that had been on multiple mission trips in their lives and I’ve yet to go on one.  Many times I felt like I wasn’t really doing my part for God’s work. The woman in the story above really related with me because I too frequently worked in a nursery, yet I didn’t feel like I was “fulfilling my faith.”

I just recently read an amazing book by Elyse Fitzpatrick called Good News for Weary Women and she discusses in her book how a lot of women tend to feel that they can never be the woman they are “expected” to be in the church.  One woman tells her story in her book:

“I’ve gotten so many messages over the years about what God expects of me as the “perfect ministry wife.”  This doesn’t come naturally for me, because I feel socially awkward, I’m not able to speak perfect wisdom to ladies, and I’m not necessarily part of the “in-crowd.”  I’m also expected to open up my home to any woman who wants to come over, at any time, and be available to give whatever someone is asking from me.  If someone is nitpicking me or criticizing me, I’m supposed to make myself vulnerable to that, as its God’s way of sanctifying me.  It’s seen as a sign of a lack of humility or an unrepentant heart to pull away from such relationships.  It’s easy for me to lose sight of the truth:  that only Jesus is perfect and the only way for me to be perfect is to embrace His perfection.”  Good News for Weary Women, Elyse Fitzpatrick

Can any of you relate to either of the two women who shared their stories?

Whether you want to serve and have other obligations, fears, or possibly someone else is already serving in an area that you think your abilities would best be served, we need to remember that God has a role for us.  God does not compare you to other women in your church.  He does not compare His relationships and He does not compare your works in or out of the church.  God says in Luke 16:10:

“Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, and whoever is unrighteous in very little is also unrighteous in much.”

If you are still struggling with this area, my aunt (Noelle Richter) suggested a small prayer you can say to yourself, “Lord, please help me to be faithful where ever you have me right now, any way you want to use me.”  Prayer is mighty.  Do not underestimate a small prayer.  The chapter in 1 Corinthians continues to elaborate why we need to be content in the roles we are given by God:

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. - 1 Corinthians 12:15-26

So like I said before with the ear, thumb, and liver… they are all so different but so useful.  We take for granted different areas of our bodies, but we don’t notice when they are not functioning properly.  Our lives would be a lot more difficult without our thumbs.  I like food.  I like the fact that I can reach up and grab those crackers, cut that soft Havarti cheese, and make a snack at my thumbs’ leisure.  Do you have pets?  They don’t have thumbs.  They can’t just have a snack at will.  Okay, okay… I’m ranting about thumbs.  If all of God’s people are working collaboratively to simply glorify God, then contentment with your abilities and your faith will set in.  When you realize that your role (no matter big or small in your eyes or the eyes of others) is important that you see how God is using you for His purpose.

“Don’t expect God to make you a lighthouse somewhere else, if you can’t be a candle where you are.” (Unknown author)

God's Will Be Done

Everyone in the body has an important part.  Perhaps you have amazing abilities (possibly better than someone else’s) but God may not choose to use those abilities the way you want them to be used.  Christ didn’t come to exert His own will, but rather came to do the will of the one who sent Him (John 6:38).  This is the attitude we should exhibit when we’re not serving in an area we think we’re best suited for.  The heart cry should be, “Father, not my will, but yours be done!”  Total surrender and obedience is necessary, even if it’s difficult.  Christ KNOWS His church and exactly where each member should serve for the edification of it. 

“Who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” – Philippians 2:6-8

Where do you need to surrender?  Is an attitude of humility at the heart of your service for Christ?  Are you willing to obey Christ for His glory and your good, no matter the cost?

God Loves and Values Us

So back to the top questions... why do we compare?  What is the root to comparing our abilities and our relationship with God?  Low self esteem is foundation of comparison.  And low self esteem derives from our view of ourselves in Christ.  If we feel loved and valued, we are more confident and feel secure.  God doesn't want us to feel like we need to compete for His affection.  He wants us to know we are going to be loved no matter what we do or what we are capable.  He doesn't care if we are a face in the congregation or the pastor of a church.  He doesn't care if we volunteer at our church every week or if we are scrambling to find time to do one devotional a week.  God loves us!  GOD LOVES YOU!  While you may feel insecure because God made you a toe instead of a vital organ, God feels like He specifically thought of you and knew how perfect you would be as a toe (ok, that was the last body part reference).  But think about it... at the beginning of time God thought about how you would best fit in this world.  I don't know about you, but that definitely makes me feel loved and valued.  God knew how He wanted to create me and what my purpose was in this world.  You are loved.  You are valued.  So please... stop comparing yourself.  You don't need to compare your role in this world or in the church, because God loves the role you play.

Glorifying God

I really hope this blog post can be a source of light or reassurance to someone.  I know some of the prier thoughts are trials that I personally have battled with since I was young, so I pray that my experiences can be used to be encourage others.  Even as a blogger, I need to make sure I am writing for God and not for the public praise of writing for God.  If anyone in my life sees me turning to the dark side, I hope they’d give me this same talk.  These words can be brutal and shocking, but sometimes that is what someone needs who is heading down the wrong path.  I can only pray my blog will continue to ONLY glorify God and not myself.  I would also appreciate your prayers as well!

I’ve talked a lot of this whole glorifying God business.  What does this even mean?  I know I never really used the phrase “glorifying God” until the last year or so.  It is truly a life changing phrase.  It may seem kind of silly to hear that but it’s true.  When you change to life to only glorify your Savior, your life will change!  I’m not going to promise my “Glorifying God” post will be next, but it is coming! So, please stay tuned for my next post.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us in the coming weeks.  

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16

"God Doesn't Compare Us"

was co-written by Noelle Richter.